51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader
by silver-nightstorm
Summary: When Mia, a young tech officer on the second Death Star realizes that the end is near for the Empire, she decides to have some fun. She writes a list of ways to annoy Lord Vader… and tests it. Will she survive this experience? DISCONTINUED.
1. The List

Well, I felt like writing one of these, so I did! XDD

**51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mia, a young tech officer on the second Death Star realizes that the end is near for the Empire, she decides to have some fun. She writes a list of ways to annoy Lord Vader… and tests it. Will she survive this experience?

**Chapter 1: The List**

"There is a disturbance… in the force… Lord Vader."

"What is it, my master? Is it because of my son?"

"No… it comes from within the Star. It is around one of the young tech officers… Mia is her name."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No, not dangerous. But it will test your patience, Lord Vader."

"I can deal with it, my master."

"You may leave, Lord Vader."

"Oh! Just one thing. Lord Vader, you are forbidden to kill her."

~LineBreak~

Mia lay on her cot with a sheet of paper next to her. The words "51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader" was written across the top.

Mia had been digging into Vader's past for a very long time. Using all of the information she had gathered, she had come up with this list of ways to drive him absolutely nuts. The list continued on like this;

1. think of nicknames for him

2. refer to him as these nicknames in front of important people

3. get said important people to laugh at him

4. pretend to be force-choked whenever you see him

5. hum his theme music whenever you see him

6. follow him around and imitate his dramatic walk

7. offer to polish his shoes

8. offer to polish his helmet

9. ask him if he's handsome

10. ask him where babies come from

11. ask him if he's ever made babies

12. ask him if he's ever made babies with the emperor

13. ask him if he's gay

14. ask him if he's gay with the emperor

15. when he denies being gay, go Dr. Phil on him and ask him how that makes him feel

16. ask him how it felt to kill his wife

17. ask him how it felt to cut off his son's hand

18. ask him if he's a sadist

19. ask him if he's a masochist

20. whenever he takes out his lightsaber, make the lightsaber noises

21. ask him if Obi-Wan is proud of him

22. whenever he does something bad, tell him Qui-Gon would be disappointed

23. try to get him to go back to Tattoine

24. ask him if he's ever visited Naboo

25. replace his lightsaber with a can of spray-paint or silly-string disguised as a lightsaber

26. program his new "lightsaber" to shoot out paint or silly-string when he pushes the "activate" button

27. threaten him in front of high ranking officials so he uses his fake lightsaber

28. tell him the force is fake

29. call him Anakin

30. call him Ani

31. tell him your name is Padme

32. dress up as the queen of Naboo

33. imitate his breathing

34. ask him the same stupid question over and over again

35. call him a liar (for no reason whatsoever)

36. scream "You killed Bob!" at him randomly

37. laugh at his battle plans

38. tell everyone that you're his real master

39. grin suggestively after this comment

40. whenever he walks past you, wolf-whistle

41. dye his helmet hot pink

42. dye his clothes hot pink

43. dye his clothes rainbow colors

44. reprogram his lightsaber to rainbow colors

45. say "he's turned to the gay side!"

46. hold a gay rights campaign, say you have nothing against his sexual preferences

47. after that, say that you really though he was straight last night

48. ask him how he eats

49. ask him if he's a robot, when he asks why or says that you're insane, tell him that you saw his fake dick

50. ask him how Shmi Skywalker (his mother) is doing, look disappointed when he says she's unavailable/dead/he doesn't know who she is

51. (in response to everything on this list) whenever he tries to kill you, sigh and say, "I've always known he's insane…"

Mia was sleeping soundly for probably the last night of her life, at least, if she went through with testing the list; which she was definitely going to do!

* * *

Tell me what you thought, please! I wanna hear your opinions! XDD And please please please review!

EDIT: I would just like to clarify one thing. I have nothing against homosexuals, the sexual preferences of other people are of no concern to me. I am a gay rights advocate as well. So the only reason there are so many references to Vader being gay is because it is something that would annoy him, and not anything that I am trying to bash. If anyone ever feels offended by this, please let me know.


	2. PartnersInCrime

Thanks to everyone for all the positive feedback on this story! Thank you so much!

**51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mia, a young tech officer on the second Death Star realizes that the end is near for the Empire, she decides to have some fun. She writes a list of ways to annoy Lord Vader… and tests it. Will she survive this experience?

**Chapter 2: Partners-In-Crime**

Now that Mia was looking at the list and seriously considering following through with her plan, she was starting to feel a little bit nervous. Honestly? How could she not be? She was about to test the patience of a Dark Lord, one who was known for his lack of patience.

Mia was pretty sure she wasn't going to come out of this alive.

But considering how the rebel army was about to attack the semi-complete Death Star any day, Mia was pretty sure she would die anyway. That Luke Skywalker fellow seemed like a genuine threat to the Emperor and Vader, not that she had been spying on them. Plus, she knew they knew she was spying on them. Mia didn't understand the Force, but she was pretty sure the Emperor was aware of her presence.

But since Mia had come to the conclusion that she was probably gonna die anyway, she decided that she was going to have fun in her last few days of life. After all, she was either going to die in a fiery death when the Death Star exploded (because she had complete faith in Skywalker and the Princess girl) or she was going to be force-choked to death by Vader.

Quite frankly, Mia did not like the idea of being burned to death. Since she was going to die anyway, she wanted a choice in how it was going to end.

And she chose Vader.

Her friends did always say she was insane.

She never thought she'd prove them right.

The first three things on the list seemed relatively harmless: 1. think of nicknames for him, 2. refer to him as these nicknames in front of important people, and 3. get said important people to laugh at him.

The key word was "seemed". Mia was pretty sure that Vader would make an attempt on her life after stage two. Ah, well. Time to rock and roll!

Mia had come up with a few good nicknames, among them "Darthy" "Vady-poo" "Wittle-Vader" and, of course, the ever annoying, completely unrelated "Bob". Now she just had to get into an important meeting. Mia knew just the person to talk to.

"I know it's kinda sudden, but I think my answer is yes," Mia smiled, looking up into the eyes of David Zolo, a high ranking officer aboard the Death Star, and Mia's best friend. Zolo was also the man who had asked Mia out on multiple occasions only to be shot down.

Dave grinned. "That's something I've wanted to hear for a very long time," he grinned. "But sadly, I've known that when I finally heard those words, I would have to ask… what do you want?"

Mia's mouth hung open like a fish. "Wha-what?" she stammered.

"Come on Mia," grinned Zolo. "You've been rejecting me for the past three years. I think I know when I've lost. But you want a favor, and as your friend, I can do that for you, without anything in return."

Mia turned red. Why was Zolo so good at guilting her?

She sighed, and explained to him her plan. Dave just sighed, and ran his hands through his purple hair. "I think you're suicidal."

"It's not suicide if I'm gonna die anyway."

Dave sighed again, "I think that beats the point."

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does!"

This argument went on for a good half an hour.

"That's it!" Mia shouted, throwing up her arms. "I'm going through with this, are you in or out?"

Dave sighed, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately, "Sure. Why not?" He grinned, "Vader can't kill me anyway; I'm the third highest officer here!"

"So that makes us partners-in-crime!" giggled Mia. She grinned, and hooked her arm through Dave's, her orange skin clashing horribly with his blue skin. Dave gave her a nervous grin, and the two entered the conference room.

Mia couldn't wait.

That's all for this time, I hope you guys like it! If anyone wants an opportunity to annoy Vader with Mia and Dave, shoot me a review or a message with your character's info. All credit to your OC will be given to you, and please, please review!


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